When it comes to being a good judge of character, Luke Skywalker is a dope. From a certain point of view... MINE!

It’s time for another moment of NERD RAGE (TM), where emotions run hot as a gaffe, error, omission, or faux pas pushes us otherwise mellow folk over the edge!

I really want to like Luke Skywalker, I really do. Daring, brave, willing to stand on the up to the Empire. There’s much to admire, but maybe I should have known better than to expect any sense from a cosmic cornfed hick, because despite all his noble deeds, Luke Skywalker is a dope!

The Empire Strikes Back

“Hey! Be nice!”

Let us revisit Return of the Jedi. Once on Endor, Luke makes the decision up and confronting Darth Vader. That’s brave. But confronting Vader because he think there’s still some good in him? SOME GOOD IN HIM?!?!? GTFO!

Star Wars

“What?! Who doesn’t think I’m a great guy? IS IT YOU?!?!”

Let’s take a look at ol’ Darth’s actions* during the course of A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi, when young Skywalker would have been within his realm of influence…

1. Massacred a ship’s crew and compliment.

2. Choked a prisoner to death.

3. Choked a man during a debate of religious beliefs.

4. Murdered a mess of Jawas.

5. Framed the Sandpeople for the murder of a mess of Jawas.

6. Murdered the Sandpeople framed for the murder of a mess of Jawas.

7. Burned an elderly couple to a crisp.

8. Tortured a prisoner.

9. Blew up a planet full of innocent folk (though we know this to be a lie)

10. Killed an old man.

11. Stepped on an old man’s corpse.

12. Shot pilots in the back.

13. Choked incompetent subordinates.

14. Choked apologetic subordinates.

15. Didn’t actually serve dinner.

16. Reneged on several verbal contracts.

17. Chopped off his son’s hand.

18. Threatened overworked and underpaid staff for not working hard enough.

*Whether he directly health these on-hand, gave the order, or simply oversaw the greater operation, as the man next to the man, he’s responsible!

So tell me Luke, in your brief interaction with Darth Vader, WHEN HAS HE SHOWN THE SLIGHTEST INKLING OF GOOD?!?!?!?!

The Empire Strikes Back

“Well… umm…”

With his last breath, Vader wanted to look upon you with his own eyes, and I’m certain what he saw was a speck of utter disappoint.

Return of the Jedi

“I could have been… a better father…if I had… only listened to… Maury (wheeze sputter).”

Braniff

Author Braniff

Braniff believes there isn’t a problem that watching a lil’ Godzilla or a bit of impulse shopping can’t fix.

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