Behold as I play my compatriots like puppets and exploit their differences in preferred beverages for my own pleasure!
CHIP: How dare you! Coke has Polar Bears!!! It’s much more environmentally friendly!!!
DAVID: What could be a more environmentally-friendly mascot than one that only uses resources on-demand? Polar bears consume resources 24/7 and as their thanks, produce methane, a greenhouse gas, which threatens our very existence in return.
Pepsiman is a bit of whimsy representing what is great about mankind, engendering a feeling of peace, prosperity, and hope for the future, while the polar bears do nothing but make our future uncertain. Sure, the polar bears are cute, but what use are they beyond that? You can’t even make a warm coat out of them any longer. The case for the bear is a weak one, indeed. Pepsi FTW!
CHIP: Braniff… I… I don’t even know who you are anymore!
DAVID: Chip, are you going to perform like an organ-grinder monkey while he gleefully rubs his palms together, watching one us eliminate one another in some sort of competition? Do you think it’s all some sort of plan to elevate the status of his favorite cola: RC?!
CHIP: Oh… Oh Braniff… RC?!?!? REALLY!?!?!? And I thought you had already HIT Rock Bottom.
DAVID: And you know why he loves it, Chip? It was because of their 80s ad campaign with a King Arthur character, who at the end of the commercial looks into the camera and says, “I like the can a lot,” a pun for Camelot. Braniff is a closet pun-lover, as we both know, but he doesn’t want word to get out, hence his setting us upon each other!