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How ironic that the only one who can save the cinematic mutants is a regular ol’ human like me.

I’ll admit that I’ve never been overly fond of the X-Men. In my comic heyday, my allegiance resided strictly with The Avengers — I knew they were cool 20 years before the rest of you Johnny-Come-Latelies! But during that time, the stinkin’ X-Men dominated the comic stands like no other. Xavier’s dream had become a reality, as the mutants had won the hearts and minds of a many young human, like my brother James. As a long-time fan of all 4-colored adventures emanating from the Westchester School for Gifted Youngsters, certainly the trailers for X-Men: Dark Phoenix must have filled him with absolute, unbridled joy.

James

“I just saw the Dark Phoenix trailer. Why, Fox? Just why?!”

Or maybe not. Lemme give this trailer a good looksee. I have no fear…

James

“Please stop this abomination!”

D@mmit man, I said hold on!

James

“Why, God,Why, is Mystique in the $%^@ movie? Seriously? Is Jennifer Lawrence even a notable star anymore?”

Ummm… well I guess in some circles Lawrence is still popular and considered marketable…

James

Dark Phoenix will place the X franchise in a pit of misery of which it will never be able to escape. The MCU/Disney money train would be wise to ignore this franchise and focus on the Fantastic Four. But alas the hubris of The Hoyse os the Mouse will acquire this flaming pile of mutie rubbish and attempt to polish this turd.”

Dang! But I dunno… It doesn’t look that terrible, as a re-envisioning devoid the Shi’ar and cosmic aspect goes. Although, if you take away the Shi’a and cosmic aspect, you are in effect playing small-ball and your movie runs the risk of being received as just a rehash of X-Men: The Last Stand, and that’s a comparison any filmmaker should wish to avoid.

X-Men Dark Phoenix

Don’t cry, Stansa? You know it’s true…

But it’s high time to realize that the Uncanny X-Men are a lost cause until they can be absorbed into the Disneyverse. But I say that with trepidation, for Disney have shown themselves to have the uncanny ability to #$%& up a sure thing.

Rian Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy

“Uh-oh, just when I thought we were safe!”

That’s where we come in, flying in like a pack of Sentinels. But not to eradicate the mutants, rather to save them.

Wolverine vs Sentinel

…though accidents do happen.

JamesTHE SCRIPT DOCTOR: X-Men (King James Version)

With no Shi’ar there is no Dark Phoenix! And there is no need/reason to cram the Dark Phoenix saga into one movie. This could easily be at least two, really three movies.

X-Men:

Introduce the starting five (new cast) with Juggernaut as the villain, and tease Magneto at the end.

 

X-Men II:

X-Men vs Magneto and the Brotherhood. The Cosmic Force is sprinkled throughout, and Jean Grey begins the transition from Marvel Girl to Phoenix.

 

X-Men III:

Jean Grey has fully become the Phoenix while Wolverine, Thunderbird, Storm, and Nightcralwer join the team. Jean loses control when Thunderbird dies fighting the Shi’ar, and becomes Dark Phoenix.

 

X-Men IV:

X-Men vs Dark Phoenix.

 

It ain’t that damn hard, Fox! No wonder MAGA-idiots watch your news channel. You’re just full of stupid. Rant over.

 

 

Well, I don’t think the news and movie divisions are related, but I get your point cuz their NFL pregame is garbage and whoever signed-off on bringing back Last Man Standing can righteously kiss my WAITAMINUTE WHERE ARE THE SENTINELS?!?!? You left them out intentionally, didn’t you?! I should have expected as much… you have been and always will be a no good filthy mutie lover!

James

“No Sentinels? Who do you think help the Shi’ar?”

Umm…

James

“Actually, the Sentinels go full out in the fourth movie, ushering in the full turn for Dark Phoenix. The third act will be the X-Men trying to reign her in.”

Ohhh… I see. But you gotta give the Sentinels their own movie, to properly encapsulate the “human vs Mutant” aspect of the franchise! Here’s how I see the saga unfolding…

THE SCRIPT DOCTOR: X-Men (L!FPZ Edition)

Four, no FIVE movies incorporated into the MCU. Dig this…

Uncanny X-Men

X-Men vs Magneto, as the mutant phenomenon is made aware to the masses.

 

X-Men 2: X-Men vs The Brotherhood

The X-Men combat The Brotherhood, who represent ever the ever present threat of like-minded acolytes of Magneto that the X-Men must be ever vigilant about.

*I hate blowing the Magneto-wad so early, so I could flip it the sequence of these movies. But I also want to get Magneto out of the way early, in order to move away from the Xavier/Magneto/Wolverine-centric fest that the franchise was under Fox.

X-Men Dark Phoenix

“You’re @#$%^& right! I’ve been an X-Man since 1963. It’s my time to shine!”

 

X-Men 3: Rise of the Sentinels

Behold the Sentinels, forged from gov’ment’s reaction to events of the first two films! However, someone from Avengers will vouch for the X-Men. Let’s make it Captain Marvel, cuz it’ll be some Shi’ar/space-based action that triggers the darkness in Jean Grey.

Captain Marvel

Oh don’t act surprised. You know crossovers are an inevitable part of the equation.

Jean will have an episode that results in a very public accident that even Captain Marvel won’t be able to prevent, and this will further validate the fears of the government, especially General “Thunderbolt” Ross and longtime X-Men adversary, the vehemently anti-Mutant Senator Kelly. “See! The mutants are a menace. Sorry Captain, we tried it your way, now we do it ours… WITH SENTINELS!”

However the activation of the Sentinels just makes matters worse, as they start shooting-up other targets than just the X-Mansion. It just happens that New York is full of mutants! Many of which who are either low-powered, living in obscurity, or simply don’t even know the possess the x-gene, like the senators own wife. Chaos, mass confusion!

Sentinel

Besides, someone’s gotta look out for the toy merchandising, and robots are always a hot seller!

This will present the opportunity to bump-off a lower-tier X-Man or two and illicit some intense mental anguish and rage that really pushes Jean Grey over the edge. In the end, the combined efforts of Captain Marvel and X-Men manage to defeat the Sentinels, but any chance to quell the emergence of The Dark Phoenix is now gone.

 

X-Men 4: The Dark Phoenix

The Avengers make a guest appearance in the first act, and soundly get their asses handed to them by The Dark Phoenix. The X-Men will come to the grim conclusion that the Dark Phoenix must be destroyed. Of course sheer force will be prove to be futile, and it’s only emotional pleas and the power of love that  manage to reach Jean just long enough for her to regain control and to sacrifice herself. This is a nod to X-Men #137, and the nerds will eat it up!

X-Men #137

That’s just some good melodrama right there!

X-Men 5: Days of Future Past

If you think we’re done, you’d be wrong. We gave a billion dollar acquisition to recoup! Behold a dark future where mutants and all our super-powered favorites like the Avengers, Spider-Man, and perhaps even the residence of the Baxter Building have either been killed or are subjected to Sentinel tyranny…

James

“Now YOUR anti-mutant bias is showing! The Avengers? Really? Naw, ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!”

You think Disney’s not gonna throw some Avengers into the mix?!? Embrace the inevitable AND NEVER INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M ON A ROLL!

Now dig this! I feel like Ghostface Killah talking about dying Clark Wallabees blue and cream WOOO! During the events of Dark Phoenix, Pepper Potts and/or Happy Hogan… get killed!

James

“Ok. I can buy that one!”

Man, you’re bloodthirsty! Anyway… The death of Pepper and/or Happy is why the (future) Sentinels look like big blue and purple Iron Men, because they’re based on Stark technology!

James

“But that kills the TV show where the Sentinels look like predator drone balls.”

Are you talking about The Gifted? NOBODY WATCHES THAT MESS!

James

“And Tony creating out of control robots? That sounds a lot like Avengers: Age of Ultron.””

You think Disney is above rehashing? They haven’t had an original thought since the original Duck Tales!  A grief-stricken Tony Stark with be the crucial figure that triggers Days of Future Past! In his anger, Tony seeks to build a better Sentinel, but little does he fathom the ramifications of  his actions, for their programming will evolve and the Sentinels will indiscriminately target ALL with super powers… mutants, Avengers, and the unaffiliated alike!

After being warned by a Kitty Pryde from the future, the X-Men and Avengers have to convince a present-day Tony to not proceed with his plans, vs a sinister agent from the future who wants the dystopian world of tomorrow to very much happen. This new Days of Future Past will be like Avengers: Infinity Wars—all the MCU franchises in play will be brought together for another two-movie mega-adventure. This too is inevitable. IT IS THE DISNEY WAY!

James

“I say when formalize this and pitch it to the studio.”

I thank you for your vote of confidence, and I guarantee my way would break all sorts of box office records. Alas, such a partnership is not meant to be. It’s not crap.

Rian Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy

“We’re not even on that side of Disney. Leave us alone!”