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Does he gets his amazing powers from our yellow sun, or from the Daily Planet’s propaganda and yellow journalism?

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look it’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman! Catching a plane with his bare hands and landing it in the middle of a baseball game! Stopping machine gun bullets with his friggin’ eye ball! YOU have to admit, that is impressive!

But the only thing that I WILL admit is my embarrassment that you good people don’t hurl shards of kryptonite at this flying phony whenever you see him. This so-called “Superman” is nothing of the sort. Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a bum.

Super Inconsiderate

Real good guys don’t fly across the galaxy for a few years and neglect to call their momma.

Super Favoritism

If your name is Lois Lane, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. But what if Lois had not been on that plane? Le Femme Nikita and the other passengers would have be Le Femme de Screwed.

Super Irresponsible

Perhaps it’s being a product of the consersative Kansas education system that a young Clark Kent never received the same sort of sexual education as you or I, but that’s still no excuse for not wrapping it up...

Super Deadbeat Dad

...But Superman didn’t wrap it up. He had a kid. That he in essence ran off on for a good eight years. And has the nerve to question the man who stepped up and helped raise that child right!

Super Deadbeat Period

Superman survived his krptonite poisoning. That’s good, but what isn’t good is him opening the window and then stepping out on the medical staff and more importantly his hospital bill. And you want to know whose going to get saddled with that bill? Joe Taxpayer!

Superman Returns

And he’s not doing our automotive insurance premiums any favors either…

Leaping over buildings in a single bound and running faster than a locomotive may impress the slack-jawed masses, or maybe it’s the tights… But here at L!FPZ, we hold a higher standard for what we would consider to be “super” and we consider to be a hero!

Superman, return to your Fortress of Solitude and shut the door behind you.

Hero or Hype - Hype

Forget Metropolis. I'm packing my bags for Gotham City.