Paragon of interstellar virtue, or just some broad with a whacky hairdo?

Webster’s defines “hero” as a legendary figure admired for great achievement and noble qualities. But for some, a hero is nothing but a sort of freaky sandwich. At LIVE! from Planet Zero we hold a higher standard as to whom we deem to be true paragons of righteousness and virtue.

The day of judgement is nigh! Bring forth your space cowboys, masked marvels, and super spies as we determine once and for all: HERO OR HYPE?

It boggles my mind how the masses will so easily heap adulation at an individuals feet and deify them without question. Well, I for one refuse to live my life as one of the sheep, for if I were gatekeeper only the truly worthy would be welcome into Valhalla and be called “hero.” And I can think of no individual more deserving of detailed scrutiny than Princess Leia Organa!

Dave

“Whoa, my good friend. What is there even to debate? Let the evidence speak for itself….”

Gutsy

Even after seeing the Man in Black kill off countless Tantive IV crew members, the Princess still had enough spunk to give Darth some lip.

Technologist

Her ship is in flames, stormtroopers are hunting her down and she's a woman on the run. But, even in the midst of all this pandemonium, she's able to keep her wits about her and record a video for Obi-Wan. This girl's VCR is definitely not flashing 12:00.

Chip

“I agree! Anybody who can look that regal as a slave while wearing a gold bikini, and still kick ass… how can they be anything butt…er…but a hero?”

Holds It In

Yes, she just watched her home planet blow up. Sure she has been tortured for information. Yet when Luke finally breaks in she is laying on a bench seductively with a smile on her face. Now that is charisma!

From Pleader to Leader

She really climbed the corporate ladder fast. We first see her pleading for Obi-Wans help, next thing you know she's Mon Mothma's right hand man...so to speak.

IF I WANT YOUR OPINIONS I’LL BEAT THEM OUT OF YOU…. errr… I mean, thank you, gentlemen, for your insight. But as passionate your arguments may be, they fall upon deaf ears. I simply do not care for this woman. Quite frankly, I find her to be coarse, vulgar, and unbecoming of a princess in any and all capacity.

Scrappy

Hardly a damsel in distress, Leia is quick to pull a gun and knows how to use it.

I grant you this.

Fortitude

She didn’t succumb to Tarkin and Vader’s interrogation and rat out the location of the rebels.

I grant this as well. Although…

Inconsiderate

How many innocents have been sacrificed in the course of her lies?

We don’t know much about Dantooine, but I after seeing what happened to Alderaan, you have to hope that it was uninhabited, since she sold the whole planet down the river in her hackneyed attempt to counter Tarkin’s  blackmail. And if she didn’t know well in good that Tarkin was going to destroy Alderaan in any event…

Stupid

Leia’s just not too bright.

When Vader tortured Han on Bespin, Leia has the nerve to whimper, “Why are they doing this?” Why are they doing this?!? You’re an enemy of the state, and the Empire had shown well in full that they have zero tolerance for agitators and respond in only one way, and it’s not by serving ice cream and cake.

Treasonist

She knowingly, willingly, and brazenly violated her oath as a public citizen.

Palpatine has been in power for at least 20 years by the time Leia became a member of Senate (was she even elected, or just sat in a chair one day and was automatically deemed a member of the house? Star Wars politics make no sense). In those two decades, his regime, as “evil” as many regard it, would have been what it was for some substantial time. Leia couldn’t have gone into politics long enough to be so dissatisfied with how the system was run to resort to armed rebellion against the political order that she willingly became part of. She obviously infiltrated the senate having planned to disrupt the system all along, and you know what that makes her? An anarchist!

Poor Tactician

Seeing as Han Solo went from being a mercenary to general within a week, so it should be no wonder that someone as unqualified as Leia is a high ranking official within the Rebel Alliance.

Under her so-called leadership, the Rebel plot to steal Death Star blueprints results in the capture of her ship and death of it’s crew, the location of the Rebel base on Yavin 4 is exposed despite her misgivings about the ease of her escape from the Death Star, and the Rebel base on Hoth is overrun with ease. What few victories she had were matters of circumstance — Death Star I was destroyed by a lucky shot, and Death Star II fell primarily due to an internal shake-up in the upper echelons of the Imperial management. It’s safe to say she was the architect to free Han from Jabba, because that plan was insipid too.

Racist!

At least the Empire treats ALL people with equal contempt.

Han Solo: a renowned scoundrel, former employee of a notorious criminal organization. Leia trusts this man. Lando Calrissian: business man, respected community leader, and character vouched for by the aforementioned Han Solo. Leia greets this man with unsubstantiated suspicion. The difference between the two—the color of their skin!

Han shows affection by not taking “No” for an answer…

You see romance, I see rape!

…Lando say’s kind words and acts like a gentleman. Which one does she recoil from? No wonder she was was skulking around in a hood about the Tantive-4. They weren’t trying to escape from the Imperials as much as trying to get Leia to her rally in time!

She seems rather comfortable, in her white, hooded robe…

Tease

Did she ever really like like Luke, or was just toying wit his affections and using him as a pawn in her game to Han jealous?

Even if he didn’t later turn out to be her brother, tonguing Luke down on Hoth with no intent to ever go further in the relationship would have been suitable ground enough for him to turn to the Dark Side.

No wonder she had rather kiss a Wookie. She’s already let one round second base!

How can you consider this coarse harlot to be any semblance of a hero? Just because she pleasantly fills out a metal bikini is no reason to throw morality and reason out of the window, gentlemen. I simply cannot believe you two. Then again I can, because you are undoubtedly NEEEEERDS(TM).

Chip

“Us? Your views are obviously clouded by your starry eyes for Lando. Yes, she dissed him, but whereas Han acted like a scoundrel, Lando acted like a used car salesman. Han never hid who he was or what he was after!”

First of all, who isn’t starry-eyed for Lando? The man is smoother than malt liquor. And secondly, what’s wrong with being a used car salesman? It’s an honest days work! People need to get to where they have to go, and in these hard economic times not everyone can afford a new vehicle. So… So you’re saying that Lando was a used car salesman with BAD intents, and you knoooooow he must be BAD because he’s BLACK! I should have figured that you’re from Tantooine, because you’re just as racist as Princess Leia!

Chip

“Words hurt, dude. Words hurt…”

That they do. But here’s something that hurts even more—THE HONEST TRUTH!

Leia is as much as a princess as the women claiming to be Anastasia Nikolaevna…

Hero or Hype - Hype

Trolloping about in metallic swimwear may sway the moral fiber of some, but LIVE! from Planet Zero holds folk to a higher standard.

Braniff

Author Braniff

Braniff believes there isn’t a problem that watching a lil’ Godzilla or a bit of impulse shopping can’t fix.

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