March 21, 2019

Buck Rogers… Hero or Hype?

Is he a hero for all time, or just some dude who should have stayed in the back of the freezer, like so many DiGiorno Pizzas? Buck Rogers: Hero or…

A hero for all time, or just some dude who should have stayed in the back of the freezer, like so many DiGiorno Pizzas?

[sc name=”hoh-intro”]

The year is 1987 and NASA launches the last of America’s deep space probes. In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William Buck Rogers, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life support system and returns Buck Rogers to Earth 500 years later. And it’s just as well that Buck was frozen for half a millennium, because he was too cool for our day and age!

[sc name=”hoh-pro” pro=”Smooth operator” reason=”He pulls more ladies than octogenarian Hugh Heffner, and Buck is 500 years old!” ]

No matter where he goes, he has ladies lusting after his 20th century loins.

[sc name=”hoh-pro” pro=”Brings the noise, brings the funk” reason=”Taught the people and robots of the future how to get their groove back.” ]

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century — Buck was teaching robots to lose themselves to dance decades before Daft Punk.

[sc name=”hoh-pro” pro=”Master of Buck Fu” reason=”The most formidable fighting form in the universe!” ]

[sc name=”hoh-pro” pro=”Fighter jockey” reason=”Could out-pilot any old combat computer and knew more “fancy maneuvers” than just slightly going to the left.” ]

[sc name=”hoh-pro” pro=”He was a captain” reason=”Space captain are inherently cool…” ]

…Especially since he actually earned his stripes, unlike that FRAUD Han Solo. And Buck rocked a vest better too!

Chip — “What bad can be said about Buck Rogers? Nothing I tellz ya! Might I add…”

[sc name=”hoh-pro” pro=”Righteous.” reason=”Always fought for the little guy, literally!” ]

BUCK DOESN’T NEED YOUR HELP! Buck doesn’t need anyone’s help, unless you’re wearing nothing but shiny lycra, and let us hope the day that Chip is donned in form-fitting spandex never comes to pass. Nevertheless it pleases me that my esteemed colleague and I are in agreement on the accolades, merits, and all-around character of one Mr. Rogers.

Yes, Chip, it is indeed hard to say anything bad about Buck, but unfortunately I cannot say the same for you! How I’ve been friends so many years with a man that would choose Colonel Wilma Deering over Princess Ardala is not only vexing, but offends my sensibilities to no end.

And to that effect, I will say if Buck had one failing quality, it is this…

[sc name=”hoh-con” con=”Poor judgement” reason=”A princess trumps a colonel.” ]

Princess Ardala was smokin’ hot, dressed in skimp two-piece outfits everyday like it was no thing, and was thirsty for some Buck. Any woman willing to obliterate the entire planet if she didn’t get some of my sweet lovin’ is the woman for me! My gawd man, where are your priorities!

Very well. But one day, you and I shall have business!

But enough with the talk. It’s time to render the final, binding, no-holds barred judgement…

[sc name=”hoh-hero” intro=”Whether it be the 20th, 21st, or even the 25th century, Buck Rogers is a certified, bonafide, verified, and dignified…” outro=”Beedee beedee beedee Way to go, Buck!” ]