Frankenstein Lives! And he’s wrestling monsters in the Japanese countryside while defending the sanctity of rock & roll for the youth!

In the never-ending mission to spread the goodness that is Godzilla to all, we’re ranking every film with the potent patent-pending power of our proprietary ranking matrix. LIVE! from Planet Zero presents the Kaiju Kountdown!

Frankenstein Conquers the World is a hard movie to get through, but not because it’s boring. Some might find the heroic trio of scientists to be, but that’s an unfair characterization. They’re not boring — they’re just cold!

Frankenstein Conquers the World is a hard movie to get through, but not because it’s nonsensical. Which it certainly is, but in a good way… Nazis want Frankenstein’s heart. The Japanese take possession of the heart just in time for Fat Man to be dropped on it. It grows up to be a lil’ war orphan, cuz you know how radiation do. He rages against the machine. Baragon! Nick Adams explains the intricate nuances between American and Japanese stand-comedy. Boar! Frankenstein and Baragon wrestle. Attack of the dreaded forest-Octopus. Hot damn, let’s see Boris Karloff top that!

No, Frankenstein Conquers the World is a hard movie to get through because Frankenstein is so @#$%& ugly!

U-G-L-Y… You ain’t got no alibi… You ugly!

He’s suppose to be the hero and all, but funk that. Assemble the townsfolk and break out the torches and pitchforks! Unfortunately any hopes that Baragon will do mankind a service and dispatch of this unsightly blight is foolhardy and all for naught, for Baragon does what Baragon always does, and that’s to promptly get beat.

Frankenstein Conquers the World

“Put me down you ugly son-of-a… This is some bullsh*t!”

Toho should have have developed a spin-of starring Baragon, King Cesar, and Jet Jaguar as three bachelors living in Fukuoka, with guest appearances by Anguirus in time for ratings sweeps. It’s a mystery as to why Baragon doesn’t enjoy a higher profile among the ranks of kaiju. His roar is just as distinct and audibly pleasing as Anguirus’s, and he gets his ass whooped with the same spunky aplomb too. Spikes just must resonate better with audiences than glowing nose-horns. This is all off-topic, but anything to ward the conversation away from Frankenstein’s ugly mug is welcome. It’s a face only a mother could love, but he doesn’t have one, so to hell with him!

Frankenstein Conquers the World

“I just can’t do this anymore. Someone please call my agent and get me away from this ugly bum bastard!”

Kaiju Kountdown: Frankenstein Conquers the World
G-Funk
2
Monsters hate rock ’n roll, so turn it down unless you want to be eaten. And a haircut wouldn’t hurt too, you dirty beatniks!
This Monster, This Menace
3
Frankenstein is resourceful and quite the scrapper… but he’s also extraordinarily ugly, so the less said about him the better.

 
Baragon bores! Baragon bounces! Baragon breathes fire! Baragon does many amazing things, none of which explain how he does it, where he’s from, or what his deal is. The same can be said for the plucky boar and octopus, but their names aren’t in the title (original Japanese version) so they don’t need to be held to as high a standard.

Oh, the humanity!
3
Scientists take center stage in Frankenstein Conquers the World, and this bunch is comprised of some of the coldest bastards ever, coming up with arguments for saving AND killing Frankenstein in the same sentences, without even an alteration in emotion or vocal tone. It figures that when two of them have dinner, the date goes off like any date between two lab nerds would. Nonetheless, whether it’s between warring nations or planets, Nick Adams is the man to bridge all cultural gaps and bring about an everlasting universal peace. There may be hope for mankind yet!
Stakes is High
1
There’s no need to fear, unless you’re livestock.
Psuedoscience
5
Eccentric Bavarian scientists with advanced knowledge of proteins are bad enough, but sprinkle some radiation into that already volatile mix, and you’re bound to get results which are an affront to all that is all decent and holy.
Da Art of Storytellin'
4
Few movies encapsulate the “let’s just throw it up on the screen and see what sticks” feel like Frankenstein Conquers the World, and it needs every distraction it can muster in order to draw attention away from Frankenstein’s ugly mug.
The Message
2
Monsters should dutifully be studied for the benefit of mankind and the advancement of scientific knowledge, unless they are butt ugly, in which case beat they should be promptly beaten with a stick.
Frankenstein Conquers the World
Kaiju Kountdown #15

Frankenstein Conquers the World? Ha! He barely ruffles the countryside. Still, it’s a fun if unremarkable romp that introduces Baragon to the fold and provides the set-up for The War of the Gargantuas.

Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965)

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Braniff

Author Braniff

Braniff believes there isn’t a problem that watching a lil’ Godzilla or a bit of impulse shopping can’t fix.

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